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current | archives | profile | links | rings | cast | reviews | email | notes | host | image | design Calm and Vivid Dear Diary, The human mind is a mysterious and stupid thing, like I never remember to bookmark diaryland and so every time I try and come to this site, I always end up typing dairyland. Without typos, my knowledge of what actually exists on the internet would be considerably less. Life so far has been stressful and boring. I'm moving house on saturday, but my prick of a sociology teacher decides to give me/us as 15min presentation to write/do and an essay to write in two weeks over a subject we only learned about that day. It means essentially that both pieces of work have to be in next tuesday - when I don't have the bloody time to write them! My entire life will be in boxes, most of it already gone to my nans for safekeeping. This move is going to be a pain in the nether regions. As I'm house-swapping, me and the other lady have to move the same time into each other's house. I of course will also be going to Cardiff to see Eddie Izzard the night before with Rory. My booked weekend with Rory (which was booked months ago) for him to come down would have to fall on the exact weekend I'm moving. It's like the universe looked at me and said, "well...you won't have great suffering but we certainly aren't going to make your life simple." Though I will get smug satisfaction of being there. These tickets I'd scoured the internet for in March, were supposed to be James' 21st birthday present. It's funny how I knew, even then, that we wouldn't last til november. I made a conscious decision to not give him the tickets on his birthday, only the reciept of purchase to prove what I'd bought for him. And we split up 2 days later. I'm slowly getting over the whole James mess. I'm not sure whather it's just because I'm so busy now I don't have time to wallow in my crazy, but I think I'm less angry and irrational. I'm still not sure exactly why I was so angry. Many could try and pin it on the reason that James was there for me for the entirety of my grieving, so losing him, in a way, was losing my insulation from it. But I'm not so sure. Part of me thought that maybe I was just angry at myself because I have never been successful with relationships, and once again I ruined something with a seemingly good guy who would have done anything for me. But I don't think that's it either. I knew we wouldn't work, we were so different and so stubborn about it. He couldn't give me fullfillment and I couldn't give him it either. I think most likely it was just my pride and ego. He supposedly loved me so much that we split because I said we wouldn't get married, yet then he gets another girlfriend in a short space of time and after a few months falls in love with her too. I don't fall in love easily. I can have moments of blind infatuation but after a month or two it quickly fades. I do think I'm getting better though because I looked on his facebook and there was a conversation on there between himself and his girlfriend and a small part of me piped up and said "aw isn't that nice." I don't have any raging hatred or despair eating away at me, I still wouldn't want to bump into him again but I definitely feel a little better. Russell Howard helps me with that. If anyone feels low they should watch his comedy, no-one can deny the return to childhood he invokes. I've also seemed to have developed a bit of a cold. Obviously this is fromthe weed I've recently been smoking, as I never get colds otherwise. It's a little annoying but it certainly has lead to some vivid and interesting dreams. Earlier this evening I was in Michaels house from the tv show Roswell High, with Stacey and at some point in the middle of the night I was attacked by a cheetah and stabbed it with a BBQ fork. The other night a giant metal flying dragon was eating my backyard washing lines. I won't go into my recent nightmare though. Let's just say it had running themes of claustrophobia, humiliation and human bodily fluids. Was not pleasant. Otherwise, as a relatively cured insomniac, I eally do enjoy dreaming. love
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