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current | archives | profile | links | rings | cast | reviews | email | notes | host | image | design Break Ups All Round Dear Diary, I will update this more, I hate it when I have such large gaps in my diary entries. Especially as my life seems to never be settled...I'm starting to doubt that it ever will be. Okay so we'll go from the top. First: I had a very large argument with Gemma around end of March. The silly bint was tagging my photos on facebook with the word "whore". I couldn't prove it though as it was on her own photos that had been uploaded. I didn't mention it and waited to see how long it would go on. Finally she got a little cocky and screwed up, obviously desperate to see me react to this, and tagged one of my own uploaded photos with the word "whore". Of course I received a notification stating that "Gemma Jones has just tagged "whore" on one of your photos at 11.23am". So, armed with proof I sent her a calm message stating basically that I don't know why she's bothering to do this, we haven't spoken for a year and have both moved on with our lives, and that I do find it quite sad and pathetic. I also said that I wish the tags to be removed off of her pictures of me and if I see them again I will report her to the facebook admins and they will deal with it instead. I also made sure to put this on her Wall, so everyone who mine and her friend would see the message. I was tired of playing the nice girl. She replied back: "I didn't tag you as whore so before you go accusing me, yes I do have a life and have been pretty busy the last few days or so or whenever you think i tagged it! So don't start having a go at me on facebook, acting like a child before you actually know it was me. Before you thought it was me with the knickers in the photo and it wasn't so! why would it be me? anybody can tag photos ok!" In reference to the "knickers", sometime before Christmas I had noticed that someone had childishly tagged my bed in a photo of me and gemma as "dirty knickers" and I shouted at Gemma then. The thing is, Gemma would have received notifications too that someone had tagged her uploaded photos with those words and there were quite a few of me tagged. Anyway I sent back another calm reply which was "Lol I got proof. I received a notification stating that you, Gemma Jones, tagged my photo as whore at 11.23am. So, as I said before, remove the tags from your pictures otherwise I will report you. " She sent back: "Well you can all you want all i know is that 11.23am today? well i was in bed and if it was yesterday i was in uni so other than that. it wasnt me!" I sent back that it was the previous day. She said: "well i was definitely in uni yesterday i was in Cardiff so it couldn't of been me thats all I'm saying! you can choose to believe me or not! but it aint guna be happening again cuz i just reset my password!" So I said good, that I hope it doesn't happen again and I told her that if I see another one, I will immediately report her. She just sent back "ok." It was interesting that this happened not too long after she saw me in town on a night out with my work friends. I was enjoying myself and she came in with bethan and amy, blanked me as I blanked her and I continued to ignore her all night, having fun instead with the two Laura's and the rest of the group. I don't even know why she's holding a grudge, I hadn't done anything to her. It was her who decided I was boring and left to hang out with Bethan. Is it just because I moved on? I saw her in Tesco's about a week ago. It was funny, she saw me and practically ran away. I ached to beat her to a bloody pulp but that would only satisfy her. She just wants to get a rise out of me. Anyway....Second Event: Me and James split up. I know big shocker right? It was a stupid way to split up though honestly. As we were getting ready to go to a wedding reception, naturally the topic of marriage came up and I posed a hypothetical situation of us being married and how that would work. Apparently that wasn't such a great idea as we ended up having a big argument. It turned out that he believes that writing isn't a real job. That even if I was being published and paying bills with my income, he would still expect me to clean the house in my "spare time" as I'd be home anyway. And he would expect dinner on the table when he came home from work. But I finished the argument saying "well it doesn't matter anyway as I doubt we'll get married." And we got ready and left. We laughed about it at the reception with his friends, although he was very quiet the entire night. His birthday was a couple of days later, and as I had the day off I made sure to surprise him in work. I brought him his presents and was measured up for biker gear (as he had been hassling me about it for ages). I'd had a really painful stomach that week and so had to cancel on seeing him for his birthday night. Then Thursday, two days after his birthday I rang to see whether he had my phone charger, and we ended up having a discussion about our relationship. Apparently I "knocked him for six" when I said we weren't going to get married. I said that I don't think we will because it wouldn't work, we are so different and our relationship is a constant struggle anyway. I've seen me and him in a marriage, it was my mum and dad. Polar opposites and it would never work. I said that we both are far too uncompromising. I will let things slide and he will too but when it comes down to the core of our principles, neither will budge. Frankly, as I've said previously, I didn't think we were even going to survive university. I thought we were going to end things by next year. In fact I didn't even give him the tickets to see Eddie Izzard that I had bought, just because I didn't think we were going to make it until November. I said we definitely wouldn't work. He said what was the point in in being together and I said I don't know. So he said that maybe we should end it now and I agreed. I was over the moon that he was the one to instigate the break up. For once it didn't have to fall to me. I was so worried about how I was going to do that to someone who depended on me so much. But of course I was a little upset because I did love him and I had tried to prove that over and over again but he never saw it and he never understood me. 2 years and he still didn't understand who I was. I guess it goes to show to be careful what you wish for. I'll have to be more specific next time. Anyway I did feel so much better afterwards. Lighter and so free. However I think I even set a record for myself as I randomly bumped into Billy at Tesco's 2 days after me and James broke up. Now Billy is someone I have sort of known for roughly 5 years. He was in a few of my classes in school, then randomly he kissed me once when I was 16 before prom after bumping into him at the Library and discussing movies, and then a couple of years later I found out he was Clarke's best friend when me and Clarke were an item. Now two years after that, I bump into him again. Due to my freedom, I had started to look around and see if I could get hold of any weed. I had no-one to disapprove of me, I could do what the hell I liked. So I asked Billy if he had any weed I could buy, he said he could get some and then we would meet up at his house after. I agreed. I was feeling a lot more like my old self again. Someone who could chew up men and spit them back out. Someone who walked and talked on her own terms. I went home, I made myself look more like the young 20 year old I am, rather than the middle-aged-something I'd felt wandering around Tesco's looking for bargains. Then when he texted me, I walked down to his house. He supposedly couldn't get me any, they only had enough for him, so I was welcome to share it in his house, alone. Hmmm. Well we had a few drinks and a few joints, talked incessantly about people and lives and randomness. It was nice just have a proper chat. Then the evening wound down and I, a woman of the world, knew what was coming and was still undecided about what I wanted to do. So we kissed, and it was just like before when we were 16, nice but there was no fire in my belly, no whispers of thrill and I decided to stop it then and there. I faked a little freak out, said it was too soon after me and James (which he very well knew, I had told him it'd only been 2 days!) I apologised for misleading him and left at once. As I left I smiled and walked back home, still high and a little tipsy and just generally pleased with myself. Apparently I've still got it. The next day Woody (James' friend) came down and brought my Stephen King book that I had lent him. He also sorted out a £20 bag (which is about an eighth) for me and we had a nice chat about the break up and how he isn't taking sides. Its now been nearly 3 weeks since we broke up, I have picked my stuff from his and returned his (there was considerably more of my stuff at his, what does that tell ya huh?). Anyway theres more to write: my auntie and sister came down last week. On saturday I found out my great aunt has only a few days to live. And sunday night I was homeless and had to sleep in a shed. Stay tuned. Love
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