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current | archives | profile | links | rings | cast | reviews | email | notes | host | image | design Going Out! Dear Diary, I am going out tonight, to cardiff, to drink and dance! It has been a very long time since I have done this...too long infact. I can't really afford it, but ah well, I'm going to do it anyway. Jess is a girl in college with me. We didn't really talk much last year but now (due to her losing her job/car) she has to suffer through public transport. So I meet her at the train station and walk up with her, and then walk back after lessons. We had a really nice time talking during this walking back and forth and I think we were both surprised how easily we fell into conversation and sharing our problems...neither of us gets on with girls all that well. So Jess invited me to stay over her house last week. She shares a mortgage with a roomie (Gareth, who she's known since she was tiny) and has another roomie to help with bills etc. Her home is gorgeous, and she has the largest cat I have ever seen. I can't quite say it's fat because it looks like a bouncer - all muscular fat. Anyway it's her birthday today and I;m finally getting out of the house to a club. Not to a pub with a friend where it doesn't matter if you're wearing makeup or not because it's not that kind of evening, but actual clubs! Where I can wear heavy makeup and heels and flirt with lots of guys! I think it really has been a very long time...definitely haven't done it within this year. In other news... I've finally made a start when it comes to my personal statement. Why did I have to pick English with Creative Writing? It means your personal statement has gotta be More eloquent and pretentious than any other damn subject! I can't believe I'm scrapping the English Lit and Lang thing and going for Creative Writing.....thats like throwing away the plan I have for the last 4 years! But all I want to be is a writer and I think I owe it to myself to find out if I can. For years I have pooh-poohed the idea of making my career out of writing believing it to be unreliable and unlikely I would amount to much. But how can I know that if I never try? I realised recently that I am scared of writing. All of my creative pieces usually have barely about 60-70% effort put into them....because I am so scared of putting my 100% in and failing. Of it being just useless twaddle, rather than something powerful and moving. So I am going to throw myself in with the lions, the course where the class critiques your work infront of you and hopefully come out of there with something amazing, besides the experience of working with famous welsh writers. But no matter how supportive my dad has been lately (and he really has...which is a little bit of a surprise) I don't think I'm going to tell him Exactly what course it is. Just say it's English... because he will otherwise probably blow a gasket. He's already finding it hard that I want to stay in my town, not move to Cardiff. And that I want to go to Swansea University...not Cardiff. (Despite the League tables). Not that it should really matter to him, as he lives in London. It's just all of his family is in Cardiff and he wants me grouped with them. But just because my mother is dead doesn't mean I don't need the family I have. Mamgu and Uncle David...we rely on each other as a family unit. We enjoy going shopping together at Tesco's, or having a film night, or a celebratory restaurant meal. But he doesn't understand that. I think he just believes I'm sticking aound because I feel sorry for Mamgu. But the truth is I need her, she's as close to a substitute mother as I'm ever going to have now. And I enjoy her company. Nevermind. I'm going out tonight and then dragging myself over to London tomorrow for a few days. Woo. But at least I get to see my little brothers, and Raine of course. Miss her so much. love
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